


Just Let It Out

by ShenanigansEnsue



Series: Shenanigans and Imagines [14]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/M, Father-Daughter Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-23 21:29:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11998320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShenanigansEnsue/pseuds/ShenanigansEnsue
Summary: Requested by AnonymousPrompt: Could I request a Poe x reader thread where she’s basically like a daughter to Han and Leia and after Han dies he comforts her and it’s all sad and cute and fluffy?





	Just Let It Out

         You didn’t cry when Rey told you Han was dead.  

          You stood stiff as she explained how he and Kylo Ren spoke on the bridge.  She told you she saw the light saber tear through Han’s chest before he plummeted into the reactor below.  She talked about the battle with Kylo Ren afterwards, but by that point you weren’t paying attention.

          Leia was standing next to you the whole time, her expression stoic and unchanging.  You weren’t force sensitive, but you could see how she was struggling to keep her mask from slipping.

          Once Rey was gone and you had a moment alone, you saw Leia cry for the first time in your life.  You weren’t sure what to do.  She’d been so much to you growing up; a mother, a general, an idol.  

         On instinct, you pulled her into a hug.  She returned the gesture holding on tighter than you though possible.  She didn’t cry for long, but you could feel her grief as deeply as your own.  You wanted to cry yourself, but you couldn’t. She had to be strong for everyone else, you had to be strong for her.  

          Not long after some good news came.  R2 woke up with the rest of the map to Luke stored in his memory.  Everyone in the base lit up with excitement, but you couldn’t bring yourself to join in. Even when your boyfriend, Poe, hugged you, you only managed a small smile in return. Plans were made for Rey to go to Luke along with Chewie and R2 in the Millennium Falcon.

          You felt a spark of anger at the news.  

          You didn’t mind Rey going to find Luke.  Luke wasn’t anyone to you. He just a story, a name tossed the table whenever Leia insisted you stay for dinner. But you did mind her taking the Falcon.  

          The Falcon was everything to Han and to pass it off to a stranger felt wrong to you. You didn’t care if she was the one to watch him die.  You didn’t care if she could become a Jedi or not.  The Falcon should had stayed with you.  

          It was in that ship your discovered your love of flying. You learned how to fix engines and move under radar of government patrols. It was in that ship you and Ben played as children whenever his mother was in negotiations with the other senators, long before Kylo Ren, Snoke and the First Order were even concepts.  All your happiest memories were in that ship. What right did Rey have to take it from you?

          Despite your feelings, you kept your mouth shut. You knew you were being irrational.  Rey did nothing wrong, but you couldn’t help the feeling of resentment flow through you as you and the rest of the Resistance watched the ship take off and disappear into the horizon.

           The everyone disbursed not long after that.  Even with the destruction of Starkiller Base, the First Order knew where the Resistance was located and with the Republic gone, all you could do now was run.  

           You slipped away from the crowd and made your way to your quarters. You still needed to pack, but more importantly you needed to get away.  The chatter of excitement, even hope, at the knowledge that Luke Skywalker could soon be back in the fight did nothing, but aggravate you.

          How could they celebrate at a time like this?  The First Order now had the advantage.  The Republic was gone.  Billions of people were now dead.  Your friends were dead and now Han was dead too.  

           Your jaw clenched, as you tried to force your emotions down, but you felt your throat tightening and pressure start to build behind your eyes.   You tried to think of something else, but your mind betrayed you.

* * *

           “He understands you,” Ben said bitterly.  

           You stared at him, cocking your head in confusion.

           “What do you mean?”    

           You were sitting the floor of the Millennium Falcon, fiddling with some part of an engine, you couldn’t remember. Ben, meanwhile, sat in the chair beside the dejarik table, clutching his seat tightly. You couldn’t have been more than nine or ten at the time.  Leia was off in some meeting and you didn’t remember where Han was, which left you and Ben on your own.

           “I mean he seems to get you,” he repeated. “He doesn’t understand me.  He doesn’t understand anything about the Force. You’re normal.  He gets you.”

           “He’s friends with your Uncle Luke and he has the Force,” you said helpfully.  “He may not get it all the time, but he still gets it.  Besides, I’m friends with you and I don’t have the Force.”

           “That’s different, you try,” Ben snapped.  “He doesn’t even try.  He just gets Mom or Uncle Luke to deal with it.  He spends all his time either here or away from me. He’ll spend time with you though. I know he does.”

           You felt a twist of guilt in your stomach, but you were too young to understand why.  

           “That’s not true,” you said, defensively.

           “Then what were you two doing yesterday?”

           “I just asked him what he and Chewie were doing with the ship,” you said, surprised by how angry your friend was becoming.  You had never seen him like that before.  

          “He told me he needed some smaller hands to help him,” you continued. “I’m sure if you asked—”

           “I have!” Ben shouted.  “He doesn’t want me around, but he wants you around.  You aren’t even his daughter!  You don’t know who your father is!”

           The words cut you deep, and Ben knew it. You felt your throat tighten as angry tears threatened to spill from your eyes.

           “Who cares if he’s not my Dad?!” you shouted back. “Just because you’re jealous—”

           You didn’t have a chance to finish your sentence as felt something push against you and throw you to the other side of the room, knocking you against the wall.  Your head erupted in pain and the tears you had been holding back started to flow from your eyes.

           “Y/N!” Ben shouted looking at you in absolute horror.

          He leap from his seat and started to move towards you, but as he approached, you felt yourself pushing back further against the wall as an involuntary act of self-defense.  Ben stopped in his tracks. He looked down at his hands.  Terror took over his features as he backed away, the realization of what he did dawning on him.

           “Y/N…”

           He stopped as you both heard the sound of the Falcon’s door open followed by a fast pair of grown-up footsteps.

           “What’s going on?” Han asked, before looking over the scene.

           He looked at Ben and the way he held himself in shame.  He then looked to you against the wall and the blood starting to come from your head.

           “Kid,” he said, moving quickly towards your crumpled form.  Ever so carefully, he picked you up and started carrying you toward the exit.

           “It’s gonna be alright,” he said.  “I got you.  It’s gonna be fine.”

           He turned to Ben.

           “Stay here,” he said sternly. “Your mother and I will talk to you about this later.”

           You didn’t see Ben’s response as soon Han carried you towards the nearest medical facility.

           You never saw Ben after that.

           You tried contacting him to tell him you forgave him for hurting you.  You knew he didn’t mean to.  He just didn’t know how to control his powers.  But, you never got a response.

          You of course knew what he became.

* * *

           You brought yourself back to the present barely making it to your door before angry tears started cascading down you face.  

           You closed the door behind you, stumbling to your bed as you allowed yourself to be overwhelmed by your emotions.

           Ben did this.  Ben killed Han.  Ben killed his own father.  Ben killed your father.  

           You curled into yourself, letting out a strangled scream as you clutched your hair tightly with both hands.  The tears flowed hot against your cheeks, burning your skin as they went.  You tried to breath, but every bit of air just chocked you harder until your cries became silent.  You gulped for air all the same, as your chest heaved on compensate.

           No, Ben didn’t do this.  The Ben you knew didn’t do this; Kylo Ren did.  The monster who had killed and tortured your friends, the one who destroyed the republic.  He was the one to blame.  He took the closest thing you had to a father away from you.  It was his fault.  Ben had nothing to do with it.  Ben was dead. He had been dead a long time.

           The anger you felt still resided in your chest, but it was starting to be replaced with overwhelming sorrow as your mind took you someplace else. 

* * *

          You and Poe had been sent out on a mission to try and get information from some of the smugglers you knew were working with the First Order.   Of course, this meant you needed your own contraband, and a recommendation to get you in. Luckily, you knew exactly who to call.

          You hadn’t told Leia who your contact was. You just insisted that he was reliable, and there was nothing to worry about. Of course, judging her expression, she knew exactly who you were contacting, but she didn’t give any signs of protest.

          Poe, on the other hand, had lost all semblance of speech moment he realized your contact was former Rebellion General, Han Solo.

          He started by standing at attention and calling him General Solo, but Han talked him down insisting he wasn’t a general anymore. Poe then didn’t know how to address him and stumbled over his words while looking in-between you and Han with a wide-eyed expression.  Chewie finally growled something about needing help moving the cargo to your ship and Poe leaped at the opportunity to check out the Falcon, leaving just you and Han by yourselves.

          “That’s the guy you’ve been raving about,” Han asked with a raised eyebrow.

          You looked over at Poe, who looked like a child about to enter a candy store with unlimited credits in their pocket.

          “He just gets excited about when it comes to heroes of the Rebellion,” you said, unable to keep the smile off your face. “You should have seen him when we first met Leia after we graduated the academy.”

          Han huffed out a laugh.

          “I bet.  So are you guys…”

          He trailed off making vague gestures with his hands, but you got his implication quickly.  You felt your cheeks go red.

          “It’s not that we’re…I mean…I…He…we’re just…”

          You glanced at Han who seemed to be getting a kick out of your embarrassment, as a broad smile spread across his face.

         “We’re figuring it out,” you finished lamely.

         Han continued to smile.

         “No rush kid, just asking,” he said reassuringly. “Of course, if he does anything. I’d be more than willing to give Chewie a couple days off to take care of the matter.”

         You let out a laugh, while also feeling rather touched at the gesture.

         “I’ll keep that in mind,” you said, with a smile.

           A small silence fell between you. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but you could feel a question hanging in the air.

           “You can ask you know,” you said carefully.

           Han looked at you, feigning confusion.

           “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

           You rolled your eyes.

           “C’mon, I know you want to.”

           Han didn’t say anything right away as he rubbed his hand through his hair.  Finally, he looked at you.

           “How’s Leia?” he asked.

           “Working herself to death, like always,” you said, with a small sigh. “The Republic’s thick-headedness is really starting to get to her.”

           Han nodded in understanding.  He had made no secret of his disdain for politicians, and knew Leia’s frustration with them intimately.

           “She misses you,” you added gently.

           Han’s brows furrowed in confusion.

           “How do you know that?  Did she tell you?”

           “Well, she didn’t necessarily say it, but I know she does,” you said simply. “She gets…looks.”

           “What do you mean looks?”

           You shrugged as you mind raced for a way to explain it.

           “I don’t know, she just looks lost sometimes, like she’s looking for someone and they’re not there.”

           Han’s eyes grew sad, but he tried to shrug it off.

           “I don’t think it’s me she’s thinking about Y/N,” he said gruffly.

           You gave him a sympathetic look.  You knew how much he loved Leia and how much she loved him.  You also knew what drove them apart, but it never stopped you from hoping they would find each other again.

           “Look, I know she misses you,” you insisted, “just talk to her.”

           Han looked like he wanted to protest more, but knew there was no point.

           “I’ll think about it,” he said.

           You nodded in understanding.  It was really all you could expect.  

           “Y/N,” Poe called.  “We’re ready to go!”

           You waved to him in acknowledgement and turned back to Han.

           “I’ll see you again soon,” you said.  

           “Yeah, maybe,” he said. He placed a hand on your shoulder and gave it a tight squeeze.  “Stay safe kid.”

           “I will,” you promised.  You pulled away and started toward your ship.

           “And remember what I said about Chewie,” he called.

           “I know, you’ll have him pull the arm from the place and the thing,” you shouted back.  

           You walked onto the ship with Poe already in the pilot seat, bursting at the seams with excitement. You glanced out the cockpit window and gave a small wave to Han as he watched you take off into the sky.

           You would never see him again.

* * *

           You came back from the memory, as tears trickled down your face.  They weren’t as hot and hate filled as before, but they were just as persistent.  You curled further into yourself holding your arms around your knees.  

           There was no other way to describe what you were feeling, but emptiness.  If it weren’t for the steady stream of tears, you weren’t sure if you could feel anything.

           “Y/N?”

           You looked up to see Poe standing in the doorway, his eyes filled with worry. You were so caught up in everything, you hadn’t heard the door slide open.

           You felt yourself breaking again and you let out a strained sob.

           Poe was by your side in a second.  He pulled you onto his lap and wrapped his arms tightly around you.  You wrapped your arms him and buried your head in the crook of his neck as fresh tears started to appear.

           “I’ve got you sweetheart,” he whispered gently. “It’s alright, I’ve got you. I’m right here.”

           He carefully rocked you as he rubbed you back and mumbled words of comfort in your ear.

           You felt your body growing warm again as you clung to him for dear life. It felt like he was the only thing keeping you tied to the world.

           “I don’t know what to do,” you cried into his shoulder.  “I don’t know what to do.”

           “Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Poe said.  “It’s okay.  Sweetheart, you don’t have to do anything. Nobody is expecting you to. You don’t have to do anything Y/N, it’s alright.”

           You shuttered a breath, trying desperately to get a hold of yourself, but you continued on only half processing Poe’s words.

           “I love you,” he said softly. “I love you, so much.  I’m right here Y/N, just let it out.”

           You weren’t sure how long you stayed like that; Poe holding you like child, as you poured all your grief out into the open. You just knew that by the time you were done, you were too tired to do much else but sleep.

           Poe didn’t need you to say anything.  He carefully slipped you off his lap as he helped out with your jacket and shoes before guiding you to lay down on the bed. He lay beside you and pulled you to him as you placed your head on his chest, allowing the steady beating of his heart to calm you.

           You felt his hand play gently with your hair as the other rubbed small circles in the skin of the arm you had splayed across his chest. You sat in silence, focusing on his touch, and warmth, as you tried to match your breath with his.

           “I’m sorry,” you finally managed.

           “You’ve got nothing to apologize for,” he said soothingly. “I love you.”

           “I love you too,” you whispered back.  

           You felt a pressure start to build in your throat as a different emotion started to crawl its way into your heart. You gripped Poe’s shirt a little tighter as if at any moment all of this would disappear and you would be left cold, empty and alone.

           “Don’t leave,” you chocked out, feeling wetness on your cheeks.

           Poe pulled you even closer, placing a reassuring kiss on top of your head.

           “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.  

         You heard him, but you didn’t release your hold as you struggled for air.

         Poe moved his hand from his arm and tucked it under your chin guiding you to look at him.

         “Look at me,” he said gently.  “I’m not going anywhere.”

         He leaned down and kissed you tenderly on the lips to seal the promise.  You responded immediately as you kissed him back and slid yourself further up his body. He cradled your head as he deepened the kiss, letting you feel just how much he loved you.

         Carefully, he turned you both to your sides as he broke off the kiss.  His lips switched between your lips, your neck your cheeks, your eye lids, and everywhere else he could reach, as if it would somehow wipe the pain away.

         “I love you,” he repeated, against you skin. “I’m not leaving.  I’m right here.  I love you.”

         You couldn’t bring yourself to say anything as you held him close, clinging desperately to his words.

         You fell asleep like that, overcome by exhaustion and comforted by the warmth and love Poe had given you.  

         Things weren’t going to be alright, at least, not for a long while, but when you woke up the next morning in Poe’s arms, you knew there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, if you like this check out my tumblr @ https://shenanigans-and-imagines.tumblr.com/
> 
> Please leave a kudos and a comment if you are so inclined. I love hearing from you guys.


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